my soul wont recognize me after tonight
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
