Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
