apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
