I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
