I think I died a long time ago.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
this is an emotional support booty call
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
there is glitter all over my balls
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
