im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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