The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
