That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
