We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
