It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize