everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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