Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
