should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
