Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
