Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
