Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
