he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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