Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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