Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
