Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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