i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize