You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
