you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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