Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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