Four minutes until I can fart!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
