he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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