I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
