My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize