bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize