i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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