Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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