He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
