I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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