You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
