i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
