Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
