No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
