so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Randomize
