Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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