Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
