I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
