Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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