4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Boobs are out for the taking
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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