I think i sorta joined a cult last night
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
