Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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