My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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