You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize