Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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