Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
