ugly people sure do ruin things
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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