i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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