If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
