Can Purell be used as lube?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
