Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
