Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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