You work out of a Hotel?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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