well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
