I hope mine doesn't look like that
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
