I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
